Personal Details

when my 16 yr old daughter Courteney-paige told me in sept 2008 that she was going to have a baby I thought what could be worse!
That was until 30th Jan 2009, I was told on that day that my pregnant daughter had cancer!
The words Metastic Malignant Melanoma became my most hated words.
We were told that Courteney-paige had 18-24 months left & that she needed surgery on her neck to remove a lymph node that had become infected.
The surgery was to take place the following friday feb 6th, the operation was going to be risky as it could make her go into premature labour, she was only 26 weeks pregnant!
I had been told not only was I going to lose my daughter to this horrible condition but I could also lose my first grandchild too.
The day arrived & the longest 3 hours of my life took place.
The operation was a success & my granddaughter wasn't affected, she is still where she should be, inside her mummy's tummy & Courteney-paige is now 34wks pregnant.

I just don't know what I am meant to be doing, thats a strange thing to say I know but I have 5 children altogether & Courteney-paige is my 3rd, but my baby girl. ( I have 2 girls, 3 boys)
My other children are trying to stay strong although we know we are going to lose this fight.
I keep asking if I did something wrong to cause this & I keep asking if a mistake could have been made & that maybe she could beat this!
I have been told truthfully that no she will never beat this, its going to take my baby girl from me.
I know that every day is a blessing but at the end of everyday I cry because I know thats 1 less day I have with my daughter.
Once Courteney-paige has her daughter then she has to have more tests to see if the cancer has shown itself anywhere else, because her treatment is on hold while she is pregnant.
At the moment we are focusing on the pregnancy because thats a happy event.
I just want to wrap my daughter up in cotton wall & scream that I won't let this take her from me.
I hate the word & I hate that its going to steal my daughter from me.
People say I'm still in shock, maybe I am I don't know, all I know is that I wish it was just a really bad nightmare & that someone would just please wake me up from it.